We are born into a culture of shame.
Society dictates how we should look, what we should aspire to be and even who should love.
For those of us with the desire to rebel against norms and go against the grain we often suffer from feelings of deep-seated guilt.
Guilt that makes us feel like we’re doing something wrong.
If you’re contemplating pursuing a sugar relationship, you might experience these kinds of feelings because you are acting against the acceptable norms.
The shame of being a gay sugar baby may never go away, but you can manage the guilt.
The first step in your journey of overcoming shame and figuring out if a gay sugar relationship is for you is to understand triggers and where these feelings stem from.
See this article to learn what kind of sugar baby you are.
Journaling to relieve stress and improve mental health
If you don’t already have a journal, you should consider starting one.
Journaling can help with:
- Manage anxiety
- Reduce stress
- Cope with depression
Visit this page for more information about the mental health benefits of journaling.
We often think so many thoughts about others, but we fail to make time to think about ourselves.
Over time you will to see patterns of behaviors and emotions, the longer you write things down the more they will become apparent.
All the written introspection that comes from journaling will give you insight on what triggers your shame and will allow you to prepare for the situations which bring out the negative emotions.
Find someone to be your confidant
Life is complex and busy, with every day is filled with the endless chores and obligations.
Catching your breath can be difficult, much less taking time to analyze our feelings about the actions we take.
Being a solitary gay sugar baby may seem to be too much.
Here’s how you can get through this issue.
Who is the one friend you trust with all of your secrets?
The person who knows you better than you know yourself?
Would you tell them that you were in a relationship with an older gay man?
Often they might be a good candidate to talk about the journey and emotions of sugar relationships with.
If they care for you, they should understand and not judge you.
Talk to them and share what you are thinking, what you’re feeling, and what you hope happens with your sugar relationship.
If you’re not comfortable doing this or you don’t have someone like this in your life, do the next best thing—find yourself another sugar baby who you can email, call, or if they live near you, that you can meet up with them.
Sit down and talk to them about everything that’s going on.
And listen to their advice.
If they are familiar with sugaring than they may have a different perspective than you.
Often they’ll know the best way to continue on.
Remember another sugar baby may have the same kinds of feelings you are.
If they are also in the same boat as you, one would hope they wouldn’t judge.
If you want to play it safe try finding a sugar baby of a different gender as it minimizes the competitiveness that often comes with same-sex friendships.
Teaching yourself compassion
Those recurring feelings of guilt and shame in adulthood often stem from being told what we do is wrong when we were young by parents, teachers or other role models and this results in a negative inner voice.
If you think about it, this negative voice doesn’t serve any real purpose except undermining your confidence and making you feel bad.
If you’re interested in changing this negative self-talk into a more positive one the first thing to do is change your mindset and realize that this “damaged” voice isn’t accurate and does not deserve power.
Whenever you have these negative thoughts, try to mentally block them out and think of something positive.
The main thing is to avoid your mind reeling as this will only give these emotions strength.
Final thoughts
Feeling shame about being a gay sugar baby is a waste of time regarding achieving your goals.
As the phrase, it’s mind over matter—once you have a handle on your negative emotions and understand how to deal with them it allows you to go forth with more confidence and less anxiety.
